Encouraging Silence
The Art of Listening
I love being an enthusiast but often I get carried away with the moment and talk when I should button my lip
(this is a reminder to myself to give folk space to talk)
“Listen and Silent are spelled with the same letters – coincidence? I don't think so.”
Alfred Brendel
In the past 2 years, there have been over one hundred and fifty Encouragement Sessions, mentoring for anyone in our little community of curious souls who has asked for it.
I think, deep down, if someone asks for encouragement they have an idea what they need. Sometimes it is very specific (is my idea any good, am I any good, can you help me write a pen picture for my social media profile, am I allowed to stop this thing which makes me unhappy and do more stuff that brings me joy?).
People know what they want to ask but sometimes take the long road around to asking it. Often, folk dive deeply into something else that is easier to talk about to avoid the question they know they want to ask … it’s hard to make yourself vulnerable, to ask that question. You know the one … you’re going to ‘ask permission’ to be happy, purposeful, and inspired and the enthusiastic beardy fella is going to say “hell yeah”. Scary, huh, because then you’re going to do it!
So you talk about some other things.
You talk about your responsibilities … the other things you have to do … the reasons you are no good at the thing (actually, it is the thing you are MOST brilliant at) … you say you don’t have the time/money/support to make the change you want (need) to make in your life.
Therefore, our listening needs to be subtle, gentle … ‘between the lines’.
When we stay silent and listen, truly listen, we can hear what people are really trying to say.
I have got way better at listening but I need to remind myself regularly to bite my lip … there’s a time to hold back, temper my wild enthusiasm, and save that “permission granted” … just for a moment or two longer.
Listen, make sure you hear the question.
Listen, don’t speak, Barrie.
Silence provides space for the most important person in the conversation to say what they have to say, to ask what they really need to ask.
Then it’s our turn … time for us to offer you our best encouragement!
Because Encouragement is a Superpower
“Silence is not the absence of something but the presence of everything . . . It is the presence of time, undisturbed. It can be felt within the chest. Silence nurtures our nature, our human nature, and lets us know who we are. Left with a more receptive mind and a more attuned ear, we become better listeners not only to nature but to each other. Silence can be carried like embers from a fire. Silence can be found, and silence can find you. Silence can be lost and also recovered. But silence cannot be imagined, although most people think so. To experience the soul-swelling wonder of silence, you must hear it.”
Gordon Hempton
This reminds me of a Gandhi quote: “Speak only if it improves upon the silence.”
How did I miss that? Going back to find it. Thanks Harry