When Less is So Much More

10. Be The Pebble in the Pond

Most of the values in the Encouragement Manifesto infer that they are on the ‘giving’ half of an equation. But, of course, some ‘giving actions’ need a recipient for them to be whole. It is hard to be kind or generous if someone else isn’t there, willing to receive the intended gesture.

Now, what if both giver and receiver were one and the same? What if - hold the front page - we allowed ourselves to be the recipient of our own kindnesses?

Radical? Not at all … if you think about it, it makes the most perfect sense.

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We love that

Sarah Salway

permits herself to seek the joy in life by doing less … by “ … trying to be gently, quietly, orderly happy …”.

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Photo by K8 on Unsplash

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The five of us drinking wine in an Edinburgh kitchen first became friends thirty years ago picking up our kids at the school gate. Back then we had little time to do anything but survive to the end of the day. Now what was engrossing us – post-children, post-busy careers – was how best to fill our suddenly free hours.

It felt important to get it right because we’d worked hard enough to know how privileged we were to have a choice.

‘I want to do something worthwhile,’ Rob said. ‘I want to help other people.’

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We all agreed, but for some reason, lines from a Mary Oliver poem flew into my mind:

You do not have to be good.

You do not have to walk on your knees

for a hundred miles through the desert repenting.

Wild Geese (Mary Oliver)

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While we might not have been Mother Theresa, we’d all worked in jobs where we’d at least tried to make a difference. What was worrying me was that maybe we’d been working so hard that we didn’t remember what Mary Oliver’s  ‘soft animal of your body’ wanted. Or worse, what if we were scared to make the time to learn?

What if it was easier to be ‘good’?

Back in March 2020, I was hospitalised with Covid Pneumonia and given a 50-50 chance of survival. Spoiler alert: I survived but as I lay in my hospital bed, with no visitors and nothing but my health to think about, I forced myself to find three things to be grateful for.

One day it might have been that someone had thought to paint one of the walls of my room green instead of all white, that I had water to drink, that I could see sky out of my window.

The next hour it was that green wall again (I had little else to look at), oxygen, the nurse who told me what ward I was on because I really was feeling that lost.

Later that afternoon, I was grateful to know I was in Room 26 Respiratory ward, having water, my oxygen mask.

And so on. And on.

 It might not have saved my life but I’ll always know how much it helped me.

So I could have picked Be Positive or Stay Optimistic from the Feast + Fables Encouragement Manifesto, but after that kitchen conversation, I’m interested in being the pebble in the pond not just for other people but for myself too.

And this is where I return to my gratitude practice. When I was home and felt well enough, I started the new year with one of those page-a-day Moleskine diaries. Each day, I wrote about one thing I was grateful for. They didn’t have to be big things, or important things, or anything that would matter to anyone but me, but picking just one thing and writing about it meant that I was granting it – and myself - proper time.

That journal for 2021 has become one of the things I’d save if my house was on fire. I can see the repetitions in my daily subjects, the silliness, the poignancy, and also that there was a pattern that I absolutely wasn’t aware of at the time.

 

It truly was a practice. I finished the whole year because writing it became one of the joys of each day in itself.

So, thinking again of that conversation in an Edinburgh kitchen, I looked again at my gratitude journal to get some clues. There were very few momentous events. Instead, I found I like order – organising and filing came up surprisingly often. Spending time with friends and family makes me happy. As does being outside. I get joy from making things – sewing, collaging, dens for my grandchildren, cards - from growing things, cooking things, and making things beautiful.

Not surprisingly, writing and reading came up again and again BUT I also noticed how little time I was giving not just to the things I loved, but to creating space for myself. Having a day to do nothing very much was a starred highlight because it happened so rarely.

So why do I still feel this is so selfish?

This takes me back to the question of what the ‘soft animal’ of my body really wants. It’s easy to fill in the time by doing stuff, creating huge challenges, and helping other people. Being ‘good’.

But what if the pebble I’m throwing into my pond is to do less, not more?

What if I don’t have to be busy all the time to live a worthwhile life?

What if I answer ‘not much’ when people ask me what I’m up to?

Or better than that, I just tell them I’m trying to be gently, quietly, orderly happy.

How radical it would be to skim that pebble over a beautifully still pond.

My animal body is already purring.

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‘Everyday Words’ is where

Sarah Salway

celebrates her love of words, whiles encouraging us all to explore our own writing journeys. As she says herself:

As a writer, I love words. In fact, I’m so passionate about them that I’ve given a TEDx talk about them:

In Praise of Everyday Words!

This newsletter is an extension of that talk and will celebrate and study words and the role they play in our lives whilst helping you to create a sustainable writing practice of your own.

We do hope you’ll pop by and connect

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